the things i fear

when the night comes
the fears come on.
the breathless heap of things asked of me
the fear, once mirror, now a siren.

i fear the courage that had wrapped me
in the boldness of myself.
i fear the longing i deny for the things
that close in.

i fear the wakefulness of the dreams
i cannot bury
that instead claw themselves to the
eyes blinked open.

i fear the joy that comes
when my skin darkens in the sun
"don't get too black, for they won't love you"
the terror that comes.

i fear the rapture
that takes over, when my hands hold
myself,
deeply.
wholly.
holy.

i fear the fear
has no home in this body
and the fear
has feared me back.